Disclaimer:
George Lucas and Bioware own everything.
I’m merely having some fun in their playground. Besides which, I’m just a poor, unemployed college
graduate (woohoo!!!!) so suing me will get you nothing but the rights to my
student loan payments.
Authors’
Note: This chapter is fairly dark, depicting acts
of torture and torment. While not graphic
in nature, it may be disturbing to some people, so read with caution. Also, a scene in here directly contradicts events
of Knights of the
I awoke
from darkness into darkness. When I tried to move, I felt my hands and feet
bound. I slowly brought my senses back
to their full strength, and I realized I was tied down to some kind of stone
slab, tilted up at a rough angle. I
was still clothed at least, though my lightsaber was gone, of course; better
than I could have expected from Malak. I
reached out to my bond with Revan, but it was too faint, almost non-existent.
Wherever he was, we were too far apart.
I hope he got my last message.
No sooner
did I think his name, and in he walked. The lights flickered on, and I could tell I
was in some kind of stone structure. It
had the feel of a temple of some kind, an old one. Malak strode slowly towards me, his cloak shifting
all his shoulder. “Ahhh, it is good
to see you are awake, Bastila. I’ve
so wanted to talk with you.”
I just
looked defiantly at him. “You shall get nothing from me, Malak. Kill me and be done with it.”
“Kill
you? Bastila, why would I want to kill
someone as gifted as you?” his voice chuckling as he talked.
“Do you
honestly think I would join a creature as despicable as you?
I know what you want: my Battle Meditation. I would sooner embrace death than the darkness
you represent.”
The Dark
Lord prowled around the room, barely paying any attention to me directly.
“Oh, you will turn, Bastila. I
know you will.” With that statement, he turned towards me, and
unleashed a hail of Force Lightning. I
screamed, of course, and writhed on the stone slab I was shackled to.
He would stop for a few moments to let me rest, then unleash it again.
He repeated
the process several more times. I finally managed to gasp out, “you’re a fool,
if you’ll think this will turn me to the Dark Side.”
I could
barely see him. My eyes hurt, and my
muscles screamed in agony. I knew I could not stop the torture, but if
I could just keep him gloating for a few minutes, I might at least catch my
breath. “You are strong, child, but
I will break you.”
“I will
never fall to the Dark Side.” My tone had more confidence than I actually
felt. Not that I had any doubts to
my ability to remain true to the light; simply that I doubted my chances of
survival. Revan and the others still had to locate the
last Star Map, and there was no guarantee that I was near that location. This chamber I was being held in certainly didn’t
look like a Star Forge.
“You misunderstand
me, Bastila. This is but a taste of the Dark Side. When you join us, it will be of your own free
will.”
“Never!”
I spat venomously. Was this man that
much of an idiot? I had sworn to uphold
the tenets of the Order. I would never willingly forswear my allegiance.
Malak just chuckled and resumed his demonstrations of Dark Side power.
* * *
I don’t
know how long we went on like that. Inside that room, there was no way to
mark time, and our “talking” was a nightmare. It seemed to go on for an eternity, though it
was probably not more than several days. I
knew it would take nearly a fortnight to reach Korriban from Manaan, not counting
however long it took to actually locate the Star Map. Plus, there was the travel time from Korriban
to the Star Forge, assuming I was anywhere near there. I didn’t feel drugged when I awoke the first
time, so wherever I was must be within a few days travel of Manaan. That was heartwarming, at least.
I was
eventually released from my place on the stone. Malak calculated rightly that repeated exposure
to lightning would have an adverse effect on my muscles, rendering me incapable
of all but the least intensive movement. I
was fed nothing but dirty water and moldy bread, barely fit to eat.
He was trying to break my body, and he was succeeding.
I refused to let him break my spirit.
Veran would come for me.
The next
time he returned, he just walked in and circled me.
“We have finished with the preliminaries, Bastila.
I’m sure you’re quite hungry. Answer
me one question, and I will see to it that you have real sustenance this evening.” I just ignored him. I would not give the time of day, even if I
knew what that was.
“Why did
you save him, Bastila? Why did you save Revan?”
Of all
the questions I had expected, that was not one of them.
After waiting a moment, I once again felt the caress of his lightning.
In some ways, it was worse than the pain booth on the Leviathan. “Why did you save him, child? It is a simple question. Answering it will betray no one, except perhaps
yourself.”
I rolled
onto my side and glared at him. “Has it been so long since you were a Jedi that
you cannot answer that yourself? I
saved him because a Jedi values life!” I croaked. My response was greeted with another burst of
force lightning.
“That
is what you get for lying. Now, tell me the real reason you saved him.”
I gasped
out, “I am not lying!” Another bolt lashed out. “Tell me, Bastila.”
I started
to cry. “I am telling you! Why won’t you believe me?”
He hit
me again with his power. I could feel my muscles spasming against my
will. The pain was horrible enough,
but the feeling of loss of control over my own body was worse. “Because you lie to yourself, not to me.” I was in agony, yet he repeated the question
over and over again, and every time I didn’t respond or gave him a response
he didn’t like, he’d just do it again. This
went on for what felt like hours, before he left me alone. I couldn’t cry any more; I was out of tears.
Veran, where are you?
After
the third repetition of this question and answer session, I broke down.
I had spent what little conscious time I could manage, replaying the
events that led to my capturing Revan, trying to find an answer that would
make the pain stop, but I couldn’t think of one.
I did what any Jedi would do in my position.
Malak returned again, and I cringed visibly.
“Are you ready to tell the truth now, Bastila?” I felt a flicker of energy pass over me, but
he did not truly unleash that power again.
“Please…”
I whispered. I knew a plea for
mercy was idiotic, but I didn’t want to go through this again. “Tell me!” he roared. I hadn’t realized until that agonizing moment
that he had been holding back. He wasn’t
any longer. My mouth opened but I couldn’t
scream. For an eternity, my entire
world ceased to exist, and I was defined only as sheer agony. When he started to lighten the barrage, I knew
I had to stop this. I tried to speak
but could barely form sounds.
The assault
ceased. I felt Malak’s shadow fall
over me as I writhed on the floor. “Say it,” he muttered softly. Between gasps for air, I managed to speak it
aloud. “Because I wanted to be the
one who brought him back. I wanted
the council to applaud my single-handedly salvaging the situation.”
“That,
dear Bastila, is the truth.” With that, he turned and left, and I was allowed
to sink into oblivion.
* * *
He actually
left me alone, for a time. The food left for me was better, at least edible:
clean water and broth of some kind. Part
of me was ashamed for my blatant admission. Another part told me I was being foolish.
What did it matter if I had my own reasons for doing the right thing?
Ambition was hardly a sin. Malak
would not twist that act. And if admitting
one sordid detail about myself was all it took for a brief reprieve, what
did it matter? The others would be
here eventually. Waiting games served
me, not him.
When he
did finally return, I was capable of sitting up, if not actually standing
to face him. “Ah, it’s good to see
you’ve regained your strength, child.”
“Save
your false sympathies, Malak. What question will it be now?”
With my energy recovered somewhat, I could afford some imperiousness
again.
“Have
you ever wondered why Revan and I betrayed the Council?”
What was
this? Why was he asking these questions?
Hesitantly, I answered, “yes.”
He looked
at me, eyes blazing with an intensity I could not read as he answered.
“During
the Mandalorian Wars, we realized the truth about the Jedi Council:
they were nothing but a group of old men, sitting in their towers passing
judgment over the galaxy without ever having walked in it!
And for what? To protect the
pockets of greedy senators? Bah! Revan realized what no one else at the time
was willing to: we didn’t need the
Council! We didn’t need the Order! We struck out on our own, and we accomplished
the impossible!”
I couldn’t
help but sneer at this delusional man. “Yes, and in doing so, you came back and caused
more deaths than all the Mandalorian atrocities combined. Truly, you are the fools, not the Council.”
Malak’s
glare turned not hostile, but amused. “So you mean to tell me you’ve never defied
the will of the Council? You’ve never
once thought yourself above them?”
I hesitated.
“Of course, I had. We all do at one point or another, early in
the training. The only difference is
that I did not let myself become blinded by such prideful ambitions.”
The Sith
Lord chuckled as he paces to the far side of the chamber, but said nothing
at first. “What have the masters told
you, Bastila? That you were important? Destined for something great?”
I kept
my tongue. Yes, they had.
Many times, sometimes till I was sick of it.
“I’ll take your silence as confirmation.
Would you like to know a little secret?
They tell that to all the Padawan and Knights, then they act like only
they can guide you to your destiny.”
“You know
nothing, Malak.” This was the best
attempt at conversion he could come up with? Pitiful.
“We now
proceed to the next question. How have they helped you realize that destiny,
Bastila?” He swiveled to face me directly.
I just
looked at him in disbelief. I expected questions about the strength of the
order, how close we were to the Star Maps, not these games. “They have trained me in the Force, and they
guide me on the path of light, so I will be able to meet my destiny.”
My response
was met with another wave of Force Lightning.
“Wrong answer.” He strode towards me, purposefully. I had almost forgotten what that felt like,
and like a cut newly healed over, it ripped the wound open, more painful than
the last time.
“What
do you want from me, you despicable filthy spawn of a Hutt?!” I screamed at
him with all my strength.
“I want
you to look past the lies that have been woven around you all your life!
I want you to see how the Jedi have bound, blinded, and enslaved you! You call me a monster, but I am no worse than
they, and some might call me better for my honesty!” He grabbed me by my throat and picked me up
off the floor. I tried to kick him
in his groin, but his armor absorbed my feeble attempt at an assault. He then threw me against the wall. I felt one of my ribs give way as I impacted
the stone surface.
“I know
what you are hoping, Bastila. You think he will come for you, your dear Revan.
And you know something? You’re right.
He will sweep in here and try to rescue you. But will it matter?” I looked up at him, my world spinning. The Sith Lord held out a holographic imager,
and appearing before me was a secure-cam image of Revan and I standing next
to the sea on
My heart
leapt at the memory of that night, all of it, and I cringed at the thought
of what happened afterwards. “Yes, Bastila, I know what you feel for him.
Would it surprise you to learn that I once loved him like a brother,
despite my attempts to kill him? He always could inspire loyalty. Do you know how I lost my jaw?”
I could
barely shake my head, though the stabbing in my chest was now beginning to
fade. “I’m sure you know Revan preferred
more subtle tactics to my more aggressive approach.
He thought worlds should be taken as intact as possible, whereas I
felt a few object lessons would show others the dangers of resisting.
By now, you’ve heard all about Admiral Karath’s attack on Telos, yes? How could you not, given your traveling companions.
I was the one who ordered the devastation of Telos as a test. When Revan learned of it, he sliced my jaw off
with a single wave of his blade. No
warning, nothing. He did this... “ he snarled, ripping off his collar,
showing the travesty his face had become, “to his oldest friend and comrade!
That is when I knew I would kill him and take his place.
That is when my loyalty vanished.”
He struggled
to regain his composure, as he reattached his cybernetic replacement.
“My point is, Bastila, is that no matter what you feel for him, the
Council will never let you be together. You
know this. Perhaps you’ve already tried to cut him off,
‘for your own good’ and all that other drivel.”
Managing
to slide to a sitting position against the wall, I grimaced as my rib shifted
internally. “The rules against emotional
attachments are what help protect us from the Dark Side.”
Another
barrage of Force Lightning ripped over my body, and I screamed again.
This time I could taste blood in my mouth.
I was beginning to bleed internally, whether from the rib or his repeated
assaults I couldn’t guess. “Those rules
exist so you will not have divided loyalties.
The council wants your only thought to be to serve them.
It has grown late, Bastila, I will leave you to these thoughts. Until next time.” Malak bowed as if he were a gentleman and left
me alone in my stone prison.
I was
tired; tired of the pain, tired of the hunger, tired of the denial.
I wanted Veran to come save me, but Malak was right about one thing.
Even if he did, I would never be able to stay with him. If the council found out about our feelings,
and how could they not, then we would be separated. Even if they never learned of it, we would have
to hide our feelings constantly, never being allowed to kiss or touch or…
I tried to clear my head of these thoughts, but I needed something to hold
onto.
I tried
to use the Force to heal myself, but it was blocked here. I couldn’t touch
the Force. I had tried before, but
had assumed it was the pain and stress that was preventing me from doing so.
But Malak accessed it easily enough, or the Dark Side anyway.
I had heard stories of places of dark power, where the light was blocked. Maybe this temple was one of them. That would explain why the bond was inert.
Perhaps Veran thought me dead. Or
he could have died on Korriban. There was no way to know. The thought sent me into a panic. I couldn’t withstand Malak forever. He had to come… he had to…
As I lay
there, I drifted in and out of consciousness. I remembered my training at the hands of Master
Vrook; I remember Veran studying with Master Zhar. I remember being told about my destiny, as well
as Veran’s. But… I remember hearing
snippets of other conversations between masters and apprentices. They were being told how special they were,
what great things they would do. How
many were told that? Was it just a
form of positive reinforcement?
My mind
started pondering all that Malak had said. What had they done for me? I had felt on more than one occasion that they
were holding me back, but always chastised myself for such thoughts afterwards.
I looked back on the war. They always sent me to the front lines, using
my Battle Meditation to help keep the Republic from certain defeat. Yet, they never left the Enclave. Jedi fought and died by the hundreds in two
separate wars, and the masters never left their enclave.
Resentment
began to stir within me. I saw the faces of those Jedi who died trying
to capture Revan. Why did they send
a group of neophyte Padawan on such an important assignment? Why not one of the masters? Because I was so important, or because I was
expendable? And then I remembered how
Juhani came to embrace the Dark Side however briefly. It was a part of the training. Her master lured her into anger, and then let
another Padawan clean it up, when it went back.
Quatra did not even have the decency to stay and ensure a peaceful
outcome. What if things had gone differently?
What if Veran had not had the wisdom to reach her?
The council would have sacrificed her for their object lesson. After all, why not? In either case, they would be able to judge
the reborn Revan for themselves.
He was
telling the truth. By the Force, Malak
may be a twisted, brute of a man, but in this one instance, he was correct.
I could see it now. The Council
used me, used Revan, used all the Jedi. And
what did we get for our loyalty? Death
and betrayal. We were ripped from our
parents at a young age. We were forbidden
to love. We were forbidden to do anything
that might make us think for ourselves. They stripped away all that made us who we are,
and replaced it only with blind devotion to a group that cared nothing about
us as individuals. The Sith may be
evil, but how much more evil was it to manipulate those who believe in you
and look up to you?
I began
to cry as I realized all this, and I didn’t fight it.
I let all the pain and fright and resentment pour out of me and onto
the floor of my prison. Malak was right. I loved Veran. I loved him, and I wanted to be with him, and
I knew I would lose him if I were to remain with the Jedi. But what could I do? Even I could not fight the entire Order. I doubt Veran could either.
No. There is a way. That one thought sprung on me like a nexu from
behind. If I could not be a Jedi, there
was the Sith path. My heart trembled
as I contemplated this. It would mean
giving myself over to everything I despised, but could I truly serve the council
anymore? Their manipulation and hypocrisy
disgusted me. But could I truly give
myself to the Dark Side?
That’s
when it all unfurled before my eyes: the path I could take. Malak was a brute. The worst atrocities of this war were to be
lain at his feet. I could learn from
him, then dispatch him myself, and take his place. After all, was that not the Sith way? He would no doubt expect this too, but that
would be part of the challenge. I could
end the war, and unite the galaxy, by killing him. And with the Republic gone, a new government
could rise up, one that could actually accomplish things, not bicker over
trivial details. Even a new order could
be founded, borrowing upon both Jedi and Sith teachings. Yes…
And what
of Revan? He knew the power of the
Dark Side once. I was sure I could
bring him back to it. Together, we
would be unstoppable. I was not a
military leader, but he was. He could
rule the day, and I would be by his side, second only to him. At night… the thought made me smile as I thought
of all the things Jedi were forbidden to do. Yes, at night we would be lovers, beholden to
no one but ourselves. If he refused
to see the true path, I would have to kill him though. The thought of that troubled me, but as I saw
it, the ending would be no different than if we both stayed slaves of the
council. It would be better this way.
And I was sure I could persuade him to join me.
I knew him like no other, thanks to our bond and the time we spent
together.
All my
life, I had been told my passions were something to be suppressed, restrained.
All my life had failed at containing them.
All my life, Vrook and the others had chastised me for this weakness. I remember the one time I let my passions free,
that night on Manaan, on the Ebon Hawk. Passion
was strength. Serenity had abandoned
me here, to Malak’s tender mercies. What would my passions do for me?
I reached
down into myself, and called upon my resentment and fury at the council for
using me, at Malak for torturing, and at myself for denying my true self for
far too long. I felt the Force return
to me, and my pain began to ease, both physical and spiritual.
My rib mended itself, and my muscles ceased their throbbing.
Strength filled me, a strength I had never known before.
This was what I had kept from myself, what the Council sought to hide
from me. This was true power, not the
indentured servitude of the Order. I
would have a glorious destiny, one of my own making, not the Jedi Masters’.
Malak
returned shortly thereafter. I stood to face him, defiant. He stood in the doorway, looking at me. He raised his hand to unleash yet another burst
of lightning. This time I raised my
own hand, pulling the arcs of electricity into my hand, and then returned
it to him. It struck him in the chest,
and sent him stumbling backwards for a moment.
I just
stood there, one hand on my hip, smirking. “I’ve had quite enough of that, Lord Malak. You’ll need to learn new tricks if you want
to try and terrorize me.”
The so-called
Dark Lord of the Sith looked at me with admiration.
“I don’t believe that will be necessary. Will it, Bastila?
Or should I say, my apprentice?”
“No, I
don’t think it will, master.” I let that word roll
off my tongue like a piece of candy I had just licked up. I doubt Malak had any interest in physical pleasure
given all that had happened to him, but he was still a male; still thought
like one. He stepped from the doorway
to let me out.
I walked
slowly, stepping out into the corridor. “What now? I
assume you won’t trust me this easily.”
I heard
what that voicoder of his thought was a chuckle.
“Of course not, child. There is one test you must pass. Come.” He
led me down a long corridor until we exited into a large hallway.
There I could look out over a sea of some kind.
So we were planetside. Interesting.
We circled
the corridors until he led me to a door. All the doors, I now realized, bore a resemblance
to the doors of the ruins on Dantooine. “What lies in here, Mal… master?”
“A gift,
Bastila, fit for a Sith.” With that, he waved his hand and the door opened.
Inside, bruised and bloodied, was Master Vrook.
“We took him from the enclave on Dantooine.
He put up quite a fight, slaying many troops and Dark Jedi alike.
But he, too, fell eventually.”
Vrook
looked up, to see me standing there in the doorway.
“Ba… Bastila! What are you doing here?” He then saw me standing beside Malak. “I should have known. Your pride and arrogance has led you down the
dark path, has it?”
I looked
upon this weak, defiant shell of a man. He who took me from my father; who raised me
from childhood; who never said a kind word to me; who constantly berated me
for “letting my feelings get the better of me.”
This man, who took my life from me, and gave me nothing in return but
criticism and judgment.
“No, master,
it was your pride and arrogance that led me here.
I have finally seen you for what you truly are.”
Darth Malak pulled the lightsaber from his belt and held it out to
me. I looked back and forth from it
to Vrook. I knew this was the moment of crisis. If I did this, I would be irredeemable. I hesitated.
Vrook saw his chance, and used his last ounce of strength to call upon the
Force. How he managed it when I could
not, I did not know. The lightsaber
flew from Malak’s hand to his. With
the last of his strength, he rose to his feet and attacked. Malak stepped back, and sealed us in the room
together. I could not believe this. He had left me here, unarmed!
My former
master took a defensive stance. “I am sorry, child, but we cannot risk you falling
to the Dark Side. With you at his side, Malak will be unstoppable.”
Typical. He did not try to reach out to me. He did not try to reason with me. I was nothing more than a special ability with
great strategic value. If I could not
be used to their ends, I was to be destroyed. With that, the last of my doubts vanished.
I quickly sidestepped his first strike, and called upon the Force to
send him flying back into the wall.
The old
man recovered quickly, and tried to strike again.
I unleashed my own Force Lightning upon him, only to have it parried
by his blade. It seemed he still had some skill. He came at me again, but this time instead of
dodging, I dropped and swept his feet out from under him with leg. He went crashing to the floor, and impaled himself
on the lightsaber. Malak apparently
did not believe in the pressure-sensitive activation plate in his lightsaber.
I looked
upon the fallen form of my old master, and I felt something inside me die.
While I did not cut him down with my own hand, I was responsible for
his death, a master of the Jedi Council. Part
of me recoiled at what I had allowed to happen; the rest of me exhilarated
in it. I, who had been nothing more than a mere Padawan
to them, had survived a battle with an armed Jedi Master. I was amazed at how weak they were. Had this been the man I had allowed to intimidate
me all my life? No longer; I was my
own person now.
Malak
opened the door and saw Master Vrook lying dead on the floor, seemingly impaled
by a lightsaber. “Very good, Bastila,
just as I had hoped.” Let him believe I had done it myself. “Thank you, master. Shall I assume I passed your test?”
“Oh you
have, my apprentice. You have, indeed.
Come, it is time to prepare.” With
that, he turned and led me down into the bowels of the temple.
“Prepare
for what, master?” I realized what
he meant as I inquired.
“For Revan.”
* * *
Malak
took me to the Star Forge. I was amazed at its size and power. I could feel the Dark Side emanating from its
walls and was overwhelmed at the sheer implications of its existence. I knew now the Republic would be crushed. Even Malak’s lack of tactical imagination could
not help but be tempered by the armies I saw being amassed there. I also knew it held great secrets about the
Force, that I would one day get Malak to show me.
In the
following week, I built a new lightsaber to replace the one I lost on the
Leviathan. I also designed a new outfit.
I kept the basic cut of my dueling leathers, but instead of tan and
brown, I used darkest grey, mixed with crimson red, even deeper than that
of my new saber. Down the center I ran a filigree of gold. It was a thing of beauty, and I admired the
way it hugged my form. Yes, I had spent
far too long under the shadows of old fools.
I would no longer hide any part of who I was. For the first time in my life, I thought of
myself as beautiful, and I wanted to show it.
Not that I’d let any of the dogs that served under Malak touch me. I wanted only one man. The first fool who tried lost his arm.
There
were no subsequent attempts.
Finally,
a month after I had been taken prisoner aboard the Leviathan, the day I had
longed for finally came. The Ebon Hawk entered the Rakatan system, and
made a controlled emergency landing on the island world. Malak gave me the news. “Revan is here, Bastila. He may be unwilling to enter the temple, but
just in case, I want you to go there and wait for him. Kill him, and you will have proven yourself
beyond all reproach.”
“Yes,
master. I look forward to besting a
former Dark Lord of the Sith.” I let the implications hang heavy in the air.
He knew my ambitions. Malak was a fool, but not an idiot. I had no intention of killing Revan. Fighting, yes, but not killing. I took a small shuttle down to the temple roof,
and waited there, near the controls for the inhibitor field. I knew it would only be a matter of time before
he came to me.
Scant
hours later, I saw three figures approach. Apparently Revan decided to bring Juhani and
Jolee along. Disappointing, as I wanted
to talk to him alone, but it changed little.
My power had grown. I could
handle a senile old man and a cat who was scared of her own shadow. First, I would have to goad Revan into battle.
The computer on Kashyyyk was correct:
battle seemed to reveal his true self.
I stepped
out of the shadows of the archway. “I knew you’d come. Malak thought you’d be afraid to enter the temple
again, but he doesn’t know you like I do; not anymore. Not since you’ve changed.”
Revan
looked me over, and I could see the trepidation in his eyes.
He knew something was wrong. The Cathar was not so perceptive. “Quickly, Bastila! We must escape before Malak arrives!”
I laughed
derisively at her. “Escape?
I have no need to escape. I
have sworn myself to Lord Malak and the Sith.
I am no longer a pawn of the Jedi Council.”
I let my words sink in. Juhani
looked confused. Pathetic creature. Jolee just wore that same tired look that meant
he was troubled. Revan just looked
at me with shock.
“What
do you mean a pawn of the council?” he asked slowly.
I turned
to face him, placing both hands on my hips, letting the right one brush my
lightstaff’s hilt. “Surely you know
what I mean, Revan. Look at what the
council did to you. They turned you
into their puppet, as they do with all who are strong in the Force.
They speak of the Dark Side as if it is something to be feared.
In reality, their only goal is to manipulate us into being their tools. Surely you’ve seen it! Fear of the Dark Side is a tool to maintain
control!”
“Why do
you think they forbade you from joining the Mandalorian Wars?”
I moved towards him, closing the distance between us.
He held his ground, shaking his head in disbelief.
This was going to prove harder than I had anticipated. “They knew you’d realize your true potential,
and through off their domination. Malak
has shown me how the Council has been using me the same way they used you.
They’ve been holding us back because they knew we would surpass them
all!”
“How could
you betray us, Bastila?” The pathetic look in his eyes said what he truly
felt. “How could you betray me?”
He was in the same denial I was submersed in.
I would show him the way.
I folded
my hands behind my back. The others didn’t make a move. Fools. If
they had any wits in them at all, they could have tried to capture me, not
that it mattered. “I resisted at first.
I endured the Sith torments with the passionless serenity of a true Jedi.
But after a week of endless torture, I saw the truth.” I also saw him flinch. Ah, he was feeling guilty about not getting
here sooner; another weak spot on which to prey.
“Malak
forced me to acknowledge my anger and pain. He showed me all that I could gain by embracing
these emotions, not hiding from them! He
made me see what the Jedi Council what was mine by right! They gladly used my Battle Meditation for their
own ends, but all the while, they treated me like a child!”
I moved
my hands back to my hips. It was almost time. “They were jealous of my power, of what I could
become; of what we could both become!”
He had to see how strong I was now. If
I could just find that part of him that remembers what it was like… “They
wanted me to bow and call them ‘Master’ and follow their code and obey their
every order. All they really wanted
was to exploit my powers for their own use!”
Revan
took a step forward, as if trying to reach out to me.
“Don’t listen to these lies, Bastila!”
“Lies?
You are the one living a lie, Revan!”
He had to be made to see things, just as I did.
This was a delicate game, but I was sure of myself.
He cared for me, and I could use that to bring him to me. “The Jedi Council programmed you to be something
you are not; they made you their slave.”
I took my own step forward, bringing us close, but not too close. Everything was ready. “You used to be Revan, Dark Lord of the Sith,
but no longer. Now you are just a simpering
pawn of the Jedi Council and the Republic they serve, like I was, until Malak
freed me of their shackles.”
It was
time for the final stab. I had to open these wounds, trying to find that
dark part of him that I saw on Taris as it was burned to the ground by the
Sith fleet, or by my treatment at the hands of the Black Vulkars. No matter
what name he used, he was still Revan, and he could be again. “A pity the power you once had is so diluted.
You could have been even stronger than I am now, but that will never happen. With the power of the Star Forge, Malak will
destroy the Republic and conquer the galaxy, and I will be the apprentice
by his side after I prove my worth by killing you!”
And with
that I snapped my lightstaff on and lunged at him.
He barely brought his own blade up in time.
Jolee and Juhani were completely taken aback by this sudden move, and
it took them a moment to ready themselves.
With that moment, I kicked Juhani in the face knocking her aside.
As I parried a half-hearted thrust from Revan, I used the power of
the force to send Jolee flying back into the chamber they had just exited
from.
Seeing
his friends fall, Revan turned his full strength against me.
I was amazed at his skill. The
look in his eyes; the hurt and betrayal; yes, I had done my job well.
He was not using the Dark Side directly, but he was skirting its edges.
Just a little more… I fell back beneath
his rapid strikes, and suddenly I was thankful he was only using a single
blade. My goading him succeeded. Now
it was time to finish this.
I stumbled
back and deactivated my saber. The honorable Jedi of course disengaged theirs.
How predictable. I looked at Revan with admiration. “You are stronger than I would have thought
possible. Malak was wrong; the power
of the Dark Side is not lost to you after all, Revan.”
He just
looked at me sympathetically as Jolee and Juhani returned to flank him.
“I draw my power from the light now, Bastila.
Who I was is irrelevant.”
I sneered
at that platitude. “You can deny what
you are, Revan, but I know who you truly are. I have seen the shadows in your mind. Remember, I was there the day you nearly died.
When I saved you, I touched that part of you that seethed with the
Dark Side. I used the Force to save
your life, and we are forever linked by my actions on that bridge!”
He moved
to me, as if to touch me but I stepped back. This isn’t how it was supposed to be. “That’s how I know you will return to the light,
Bastila.”
Would
I never hear the end of the Jedi clichés? I was to turn him, not the other way around.
“These are not your true feeling, Revan.
You are speaking as a tool of the Jedi, as I once did, only now I see
them for what they truly are. The Council
cared nothing for you or any of us! They
wanted to exploit our bond so you would lead us to the Star Forge!
We were nothing more than slaves to their will, like all those who
follow the Jedi Code.”
I retook
the initiative. I quickly moved forward
and grabbed his shoulder, and I looked up into his eyes, pleading.
“On that bridge that day, I touched something:
the real you. I felt its dark
power and it both scared and excited me. I
resisted it at first, but now I embrace the power of the Dark Side: your Dark Side!”
He tried
to pull himself free of my grip but not without much strength.
His eyes searched mine, and I could see his dilemma.
“What are you saying, Bastila?”
“You
deserve to be the Dark Lord of the Sith, not Malak!
Together we can destroy your old apprentice, and you can reclaim your
lost identity!” The world seemed to
fade around us. I was reaching him. There was a spark in his eyes. He was considering it!
“How can
we reclaim my identity? I don’t remember anything.”
I ran
my hand over his cheek, and stared up into his eyes longingly.
“Your mind was too badly damaged for you to ever fully recover, Revan,
but your power, your strength of will, your charisma; the essence of what
and who you are still remains!”
I pressed
myself against him. So close now.
Our lips were only inches apart. Just
a little further and he would be mine forever. “You defied the council once and claimed the
title that was rightfully yours: Dark
Lord of the Sith. Together, we can
defeat Malak and return you to your rightful place. And I could be your apprentice…” I let the idea trail off, the slightest hint
of desire placed on the last word.
Juhani’s
voice ruined that near-perfect moment. “Bastila, it is not too late for you to be saved!
The teachings of the Jedi can lead you back to the light, as it once
did for me.” I turned my head just enough to stare balefully
at her
“You are
beneath my contempt, Juhani. One taste of the Dark Side and you ran into
a cave to hide like some cowering animal.
You know nothing of the Force or its true potential!” I turned back to my lover, and slid my hand
slowly down his chest. “But you, Revan,
the power of the Dark Side is yours to command!
You can use it to destroy Malak! We
need no longer fear the council, or anyone else! We can finally be together!”
Time seemed
to freeze for a moment. Our eyes once again met, and I could see the
conflict within them. He wanted me,
and he could not deny what I had said. It
all came down to this. He took me into
his arms, and then slowly pushed me away.
“Darth Revan is dead, Bastila. I
may not agree with the Council, but I am a servant of the light now.”
And that
was it. All my dreams and hopes and
plans for us, crushed with that one sentence. In retrospect, I imagine he must have felt the
same way when I fled from him, back on Manaan. How could he reject me? This was our only chance to be together, and
he would throw it away? For what? How could he be so foolish. I resigned myself that this would be it. But I would not kill him. I needed to sort through all this. I knew I
could bring him to the Dark Side. What
did I do wrong?
I sneered
at him and let all the pain of this rejection lash out at him.
“You are a pathetic fool, Revan. Together we could have defeated Malak
and ruled an empire, but now I shall be at Lord Malak’s side instead!”
With that, I unleashed a wave of the Force to knock them all back while
I rushed to my shuttle. As I piloted
my way back to the Star Forge, I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, so
Malak would not see them.
To Chapter Ten
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